In this episode: We are getting married

There are some times in your life that no matter what you do, feelings take over and paralyze you. There are those times that you might have dreamed of or thought of or fantasized about, but that you never thought would come true. At least not now. Not that fast. Not in such a way.

Long story short, me and my love are getting married in June. I knew we love each other. I knew that we wanted to have a family together. I hoped that this would happen at some point in the future. But then, those new neighbors came, coincidentally doing almost the same jobs as we do and simultaneously being two awesome adults and parents to a baby girl with the most amazing hairdo ever. And the thought crossed our minds. If we love each other and want to be a family, why wait?

So here we are now, planning a civil ceremony and a day in the park with the people we love.

The first two nights I could not sleep. I was so excited about it and so much in awe. I am once again infinitely thankful to skype, for allowing me to spend hours talking with my best friend in Greece until it all sunk in and I was able to get some rest.

Even though we have practically lived together for more than 2.5 years and living in the same house for 2 months now, I know it is going to be a change in our lives. "Forever" can be magical and terrifying at the same time and I firmly believe that ignoring the "terrifying" part instead of addressing it, is what has led many European countries to a 50% divorce rate. A good friend of mine gave us a piece of sound advice a few months ago, when we told him we were planning to live together. He said:

"Marriage is like a black box that has different functions. It makes babies, for example. Some people, when the black box fails to do what they want, just throw it away and get another one. I will try and open the box and see what's wrong inside it. Be the people who open the box."

I loved it. Sounds a bit guru-ish maybe, but it resonates so well with the kind of relationship we have managed to achieve so far. We had many many many (can I stress that enough?) hard times, communication break-downs, misunderstandings and the like the first two years after we met. And the first year that I also moved in the Netherlands had its rough moments too, but mainly because I was so terrified and stressed about living in another country, with a totally different culture, away from my friends.

The point is that he never let me bury my head in the sand like an ostrich and I never let him bury his either. When there was an issue, we addressed it. Yes, it was not always pleasant. And some times it also took a glass of wine or two (or three) for me to find the courage to tell him my worries. And he had to take some alone time and go for a walk or spend time at his place. Still, each and every one of those issues, we have resolved. I am absolutely sure that new ones will come up. After all, with two families becoming one, we would be fools not to expect some turbulence. People need to get to know each other and get used to each other as well.

I saw online a few lists of things you should do before you get married. I am disgusted by some of the proposals. They are basically along the lines of "be stupid and selfish". I found everything, from "date a bad boy" to "buy a very expensive bag, because when you are married he won't let you". Date a bad boy on purpose, just for the experience? What's the point? The bag thing and the husband not letting you, I can't even... The little feminist in me died from an aneurism the minute I read the sentence. And there was the other one "celebrate your 25th birthday before you get married". Well, I get that one, in the sense that you should not go into a marriage without giving it some serious thought, but how the hell do you choose this specific age?

There were more rational lists though. Like "sort your finances", "discuss if you want to have kids" "if you belong to different religions, what religion are the kids going to follow" "discuss your long term housing plans". Rational stuff. Still, common sense stuff. But there are people getting married when they are 19, so I guess this is useful advice.

When we were discussing with my partner in February whether we should get married fast (like, this June) or wait, I made a list of all the reasons I was sure about why I wanted to be with him for life, weather it would be sooner or later. Here are some of the key points:

-Because I love him and I want to be next to him in his good days and bad days and boring days.
-Because I would like my kids to look like him and have his personality (well, and some of my traits as well, thank you!)
-Because we have been through a lot together and I know I can count on him as my best friend as well as my lover.
-Because after 5 years that I know him, he still fascinates me.
-Because I want to do exciting stuff, like travels, with him. And boring stuff, like laundry as well.
-Because when my grandmother got a stroke last year and I was devastated, he asked me if I would like us to pray for her, even though he is an atheist. That one I will never ever forget, no matter what.
-Because he lets me wear his sweaters.
-Because I would give him my last french fry and I love french fries a whole lot. So that must be love.
-Because when I wake up and he is next to me I feel that nothing can go wrong.
-And when I go to bed and he comes to sleep next to me I fall asleep within seconds, knowing that I am secure, protected and loved.
-Because we are a team and we have faced problems as a team before.
-Because if he becomes as a good husband as his father is, then I will be a very lucky woman.

I could go on and on and it would become way cheesier (yes, it can!), but I do need to add one last thing before I stop: this guy bought me this frog these days that I 've got fever, to keep me company. And he makes a sound too!

I feel beyond lucky and beyond grateful for my love and for the wonderful people who are going to be my witnesses. And of course, for our families that taught us how to love and be loved.

P.S.: With the wedding and the fever, my work has suffered. This is going to be a working-like-crazy weekend.
P.S.2: Go watch this TED talk. No science, no boring stuff. I promise. Its all about asking for help, giving, taking and community support.